Finding Truth in an Unexpected Connection
By Sarah Burtner and Kathy Nga Nguyễn Burtner
Like many Vietnamese refugees who were displaced at the end of the Vietnam war, my family needed a sponsor to take in a single mother and her five children and help them resettle in a new country. They found refuge in Atchison, Kansas, with the sisters of Mount St. Scholastica monastery.
Newspaper clipping of The Atchison Daily Globe, Friday, Aug. 15, 1975. (Photo courtesy of Sarah Burtner)
The sisters are a pious and slightly puckish group who are known to challenge institutional power with their activism. One of their more recent public stances came against Harrison Butker, a kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs who gave a notorious commencement speech at Benedictine College (which Mount St. Scholastica helped found). In his speech, Butker laid out his vision of the correct social order, claiming that a woman’s highest calling is to become a wife and mother, men set the tone for culture, LGBTQ+ people are a sin — essentially running the whole gamut of divisive, hateful rhetoric that is gathering more of a mainstream following these days.
The maelstrom of internet wrath met this moment with backlash from all corners of media and culture, including rebukes from the NFL and the sisters themselves. The sisters released a statement affirming that “[o]ur community has taught young women and men not just how to be ‘homemakers’ in a limited sense, but rather how to make a Gospel-centered, compassionate home within themselves where they can welcome others as Christ, empowering them to be the best versions of themselves. We reject a narrow definition of what it means to be Catholic.”
Hundreds of miles away in her now resettled home of Orange County, CA, my mother, a consummate consumer of culture who sends me random news links at any time of day, was following the twists and turns of this story. She did not necessarily align herself with the internet’s main complaint of the story (how dare Harrison Butker disparage women when his teammate is dating Taylor Swift, the champion of one-dimensional feminism!). Rather, she saw the link between the sisters’ rebuttal and her own experience with the sisters, who provided the resources my family urgently needed upon arriving at their doorstep in 1975. When I asked for her reflection on this whole coincidence, she told her story:
“Harrison Butker said women should stay home to take care of the family. My mother did exactly that until a fifth baby, my youngest sister, arrived. With more mouths to feed on my dad’s small pay, my mother decided to get a job. She filled out an application to work for the US army. When she showed my dad the application, he tore up the application and told her to stay home. I was playing with my younger sister when my dad threw my mom’s torn application out the door and they fell on my head. I remember my mom crying so hard as she picked up pieces of the torn application. A few months after this incident, my dad was killed in a fierce battle not far from our home.
In 1975 after the war was over, my family had to escape Vietnam for fear of retribution from the Communist government. My family left Vũng Tàu for the open water of the Pacific Ocean not knowing where we were going. After three days with little water and almost everyone passed out from seasickness and heat exhaustion, we were picked up literally in a cargo net by one of the US seven fleets. The Sisters of Mount St. Scholastica from Atchison sponsored my family after our temporary stay in Fort Chaffee, Arkansas.
In Atchison, my family rebuilt our life with much support from the sisters. Sister Rosemary took us grocery shopping and made sure we got enough food to eat. Sister Consilia helped us with our English and school work. Other sisters took turns taking care of our daily needs, including our bus ride from and to school when we didn’t have a car. Taking care of the community was a way of life for the sisters. They operated a day care center for low-income families near our house. They taught at my little sister’s middle school and my high school. Many sisters who helped my family also taught at Benedictine College.”
Strong women have been the common denominator of my family’s story, from my bà ngoại who defied her husband, to the Mount St. Scholastica sisters who defy the institutions that are misaligned with their social justice values. From this vantage point, it is easy for my mom to feel the contradictions of living in a country that platforms people with such hateful and misguided ideas. Harrison Butker’s speech ignores the reality that refugees are rarely able to meet the financial conditions that afford an American lifestyle, let alone fulfill a singular vocation such as “homemaker.”
Sarah and Kathy. (Photo courtesy of Sarah Burtner)
What if, in the future, the most prominent stories were ones like my mom’s? What if we heard more often about the women who provided free child care, education, and transportation to help people who are struggling get ahead? What if we crafted policies around these truths? What if these were the women giving commencement speeches, being elected to office, and dominating the news cycle?
On the 50th anniversary of the end of the Vietnam War, I am more fortified than ever to honor my past and use the examples of my mom, our family, and the sisters of Mount St. Scholastica to create a future that upholds the dignity of women and refugees and have the courage to call out the harmful ideologies that seek to erase and undermine them.
Kathy Nga Nguyễn Burtner is a retired scientist, doting Bà, imaginative chef and Vietnamese refugee who currently lives in Orange County, CA.
Sarah Burtner is a second-generation, mixed-race Vietnamese American currently living and working as a public servant in Seattle, WA.